Saturday, February 16, 2008

Good Fitness and Health ??

I received this as an E-mail and I thought I would share it.


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have tw o bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!< /FONT>

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more ve getables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"


For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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Mari said...

That is so funny! Thanks for sharing all that knowledge with us.

Andrea said...

haha...too funny! My hubby has used that last part in a sermon before!!! Thanks for shaing this though!

Melissa said...

Haha! I love it! My friend and I always "justify" what we eat by using some of those same guidelines. I mean, chocolate really can count as a vegetable right? :)

Pam said...

That is so funny! I love the last line- speaking English is what kills you! Funny!

Maggie said...

This is so very much one of my favorite emails! Cheers!

Are You Serious! said...

♥ Too funny!

Amber M. said...

Ain't it the truth. Thanks for the giggle tonight!

Melissa said...

Uh oh! Looks like I'm going to have to learn that second language after all!!

Don Mills Diva said...

It couldn't be more logical! Thanks for helping me see the light!

Janelle said...

Jennifer! That was really funny. At first, I thought it was going to be a fitness and health lecture about the benefits of. Then I realized it was exactly my thoughts about the subject!

Thanks for commenting on my blog. It is fun to meet new friends.

Celeste said...

Haha! I agree with Janelle, when I saw the picture of the fit lady I started to think it was a fitness lecture. That was too funny!!

Dana a/k/a Sunshine said...

Very cute. I'm thinking I should take that advice. And if my stomach looked like the lady in the picture, I COULD take that advice - ha ha.

Thanks for visiting and commenting. I hope you'll come back!

30 Minute Mommy said...

The end of that is very funny. It does seem to me that being American is the key ingredient for poor health. Thanks for all of the great information.

laura said...

HAH! Nice :)
I think I'll go eat some more chocolate!

My hubby tells me all the time that I should eat more deep fried stuff. Why? Because VEGETABLE OIL is good for you. :P

Thanks for sharing this!

Jennifer said...

cute! how did the preschool craft morning go?

Christine said...

Oh my! This is too funny! I'm so glad that french fries are healthy afterall because of the vegetable oil they are fried in. LOL. Thanks. :)

jennifer said...

HAH! Very funny. I SO posed for the AB shot on this post (snort). Planning to start "eating right" tomorrow. Can't talk about it much or I may go into a spiral of depression right here in your comments section. Enjoyed it - Jen

Amanda said...

Thanks for a good chuckle, and thank you for visiting my blog!

Shelley said...

OK, that is just too funny!!! I'm glad you liked the mailboxes! I can tell you are a very creative person, so I appreciate the comment. Your blog looks fun!

Future Mom said...

That's the greatest thing I have read all week...especially the part about taking naps! I used to belong to a gym and when they asked me why I was quitting i told them it was cutting into my nap time. He thought I was kidding...I WASN'T :)

PS-Thanks for being one of the first to comment on my posting on new mommy rant!

Brittany said...

ha ha ha that is too funny. I am gonna go get a glass of wine and a bag of M&Ms, right now! (ok not really.. but that is funny!)

Melanie said...

Oh my goodness- that was hilarious! I loved it.
Livin' With Me

Lainey-Paney said...

Oh! That's great!!!!

Jen said...

Oh my gosh, that is SO FUNNY!!! Thanks for posting this. It cracked me up!

Ann(ie) said...

HA!!! AMEN SISTAH! I love your blog....the look, the content!!

new fan

Kellan said...

How funny!! I could use a nap right now it's 1:50 am) and the steak one was so funny.

Nice to see you - thanks for stopping by. Have a good Monday - Kellan

Leanne said...

Lol. I knew there was a reason I was tkaing french lessons! :)

Melissa said...


girlymom said...

Oh I love it! I think I will have one more chocolate valentine candy! :)

Kellan said...

Hey - thanks for coming by today. Hope you have had a good Monday. I like you new page layout btw - meant to tell you the other day. Have a good evening - Kellan

Joanna said...

Oh thank you for the laugh! I needed it. More chocolate?

Steph said...

I think that is how I lived life this weekend!!

tommie said...

thanks for the giggle! I knew there was a reason I liked wine.

It's All Good! said...

That was hilarious! Thanks for the nice comment. Concerning Once a Month Cooking...I'll be tracking my progress over the next few days on my blog to show that it's not as daunting as it might seem. Have a great evening. Brenda